Taking Back Control

Looking back I realize that I did not understand what narcissistic abuse was while living in my 25 year marriage, even after my ex-husband was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think I didn’t want to see the truth because that would change everything, and I wouldn’t be able to unsee the abuse. But during the last two years of my marriage the abuse became worse and much more frequent. I went back to therapy and with her help, I realized how little control I had in every part of our family, including my own personhood. I was in a pot of increasingly hot water, and I could either jump out or be boiled alive. If you have or are experiencing narcissistic abuse, you may understand the parable of the Boiling Frog in the Pot.

Awareness is the Gateway to Change

After I got out of that marriage and started to heal, I became aware of so many things. An important one was noticing the patterns in my own behavior that contributed to the dysfunction in my marriage and family system. I don’t say this to blame myself or to take accountability for one iota of the abuse that happened to me. Please read that again and put it on repeat! The point of me talking about my patterns is a part of healing and becoming a healthy individual who could take back control. Awareness is the gateway to sustainable change, and I wanted to make a permanent change and stop being drawn into codependent and unhealthy patterns. This was one of the first things I realized I had control of.

You Deserve the Truth

I didn’t just feel out of control, I felt angry, resentful, exhausted, depressed and so stressed that my physical health became affected. I was contributing to my own suffering. So was I willing to start telling the truth a little bit and let go of what I couldn’t control and take back control of my own experience? My answer was finally yes so I jumped out of the pot.

I didn’t want to be in an abusive marriage. I didn’t want to face what I was up against including the process of divorce and recreating my life, but I had to accept that this was my thing and move forward. The term for this is radical acceptance. I kept telling myself the truth while I built a supportive community where I could show up with vulnerability and honesty. I started to make choices and decisions, one at a time.

For a while I needed help making some decisions because I was unable to self validate due to all of the psychological abuse. I built my life brick by brick, just one thing at a time so I didn’t overwhelm myself. This wasn’t easy and I didn’t move forward perfectly. But I knew I was a learner so I could get back on track with support. I started to live my life on purpose, with a sense of freedom in my heart and take back control of my life.

A Fresh Start

Please reach out if you need a starting point. The coaching process brings awareness and builds on your truth so you can reclaim your power and sense of self.

“If you own this story you get to write the ending.” ― Brené Brown, author and professor